Due Don't
by DerpyCandy
Summary: Tony Stark can handle a lot of things. Apparently, he couldn't handle some goddamn not-23 year old man who got him kicked off a plane and stranded with no way to travel but by car. When Tony FINALLY gets home, he has a mouthful to deal with his teammates. And he's not taking any of it. Rated T for language, this is a spoof of Due Date (2010)


**I was thinking.. what happened if it was Tony Stark who tagged along with Ethan Chase instead of Peter? Obviously, they both have the same personality so I just switched it up a little. If I get enough encouragement, I'll make a second chapter with Ethan actually coming into Stark Tower for a "friendly dinner". **

**Warning- Not beta'd**

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><p>"Where have you been all this weekend?" Pepper could only ask as she glared at the playboy making his way through the living room. But turning around to actually see his condition, the red-head couldn't help but let out a gasp that wasn't suppressed in time. Her boyfriend was covered in <em>blood <em>including a bloody rag wrapped around his arm. Several small stitches littered Tony's face.

"I don't want to fucking talk about it. We _never_ mention this weekend again, you hear me?" Tony could only gasp as he made his way towards the bar. He pulled out scotch with his one good hand and began pouring himself some.

Pepper quickly snatched away the bottle from him, and returned it to its appropriate location A.K.A not Tony's hand. The playboy could only groan at his girlfriend's antics.

"What happened?" Pepper demanded, her fiery eyes locking into Tony's frustrated pair. Tony rolled his eyes.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you should've passed out already from blood loss," An amused voice came from the corner. Tony turned around to see his science bro, Bruce Banner with a quite amused yet concerned look. Tony shook his head. "'m fine," was all Tony could muster out, resistant to pass out at any given moment.

"Well, Pepper, I met some goddamn man who completely ruined my weekend and I drank his god _fucking_ dead father's ashes, any questions? Shall I need to go on?" Pepper looked pretty horrified and confused. Bruce could only stare at Tony as if he lost his mind. Tony's rambling was what alerted the other avengers.

Clint and Natasha headed in with unamused looks. Steve followed in, though tiredly with a bed head, with an angry glare at Tony. "Where were you? Avengers assembled the other day to-"

"Don't fucking talk to me about _the other day_, Cap. I don't need your shit right now, I don't need anyone's shit right now." Tony slammed his empty glass, bloodshot eyes looking to the window. _I can't believe I gave that god-damn man money to start out in Hollywood. Should've gave him nothing and left as soon as possible._

"You know what I need? Real coffee. Real coffee and I'll get back to the little boy band that's been awaiting for me," Tony mocked. He immediately turned on the coffee machine in the kitchen and ignored Steve's rantings on what responsibilities he has as an Avenger.

"..Maybe you don't even deserv-" Tony cut him off with a slap to his face. Tony's bloodshot eyes spoke volumes to everyone, and for once he just looked … tired.

"Then maybe you deserve the _fucking_ weekend I had to go through. I was with the world's dumbest childish man who spent 200$ on marijuana and screwed up my plane ticket back here. Not only did that man do that, but I was beat up by handicapped person, almost thrown into jail in Mexico, had my stomach _violated_ with said man's dead ashes put into a coffee cup, was in the car when he supposedly 'shut his eyes for a little bit'.." Tony spat out in Steve's face. "Tell me when to continue. I dare you. Now, I'm going to get some shut-eye for once in somewhere _not_ in a hospital."

And Tony walked out leaving everyone stunned.

Steve could only look as Tony walked away, when he noticed the trail of blood that was following his teammate.

"Miss Potts, could you please get a doctor in here?" Pepper nodded, a little out of breath.

"Gladly." Pepper answered back, with a twitch of her eye.


End file.
